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CRESPOGRAM REPORT

JUNE 25  2012

ANOTHER BEND OVER AND LET ME FUCK YOU DEAL FOR THE TAXPAYERS OF MIAMI
WHAT THE FUCK

On Saturday morning, I was surfing through the agenda for the next City Commission meeting when the following item leaped out at me.

What immediately caught my attention were the words, “CLOSING, VACATING, ABANDONING...”


Then I saw Neisen Kasdin’s name, and I knew that there had to be shit in the game,  because high priced, politically connected attorney and lobbyist Neisen Kasdin doesn’t show up for for a piece of property that’s being abandoned, unless that piece of property is really valuable to someone willing to pay his fee.


So, I started rsearching, and then I went down and walked around the property and took a few photos, and then I came home, and here’s what I discovered.


IT’S ONLY CITY LAND, SO WHO CARES


The alley that Commissioner Spence-Jones is so willing to give away for the chump change fees associated with re-platting the property is 188.60 feet long and 10 feet wide, or 1880 square feet.


It sits right smack in the middle between the 2 pieces of property that make up the entire lot owned by the real estate investment company, Fifteen Midtown Properties, LLC


Actually, the 2 lots are made up of  8 separate plots, and the alley is a critical piece of that property, because without it you can’t build anything that will span the two sections divided by the alley.


Here is an enlargement of a map included in the documents attached to the above resolution. The alley is the portion bordered in RED.

The entire property is 39,607 square feet, and the alley is 1880 square feet.  The assessed value on the property was $85.00 per square foot, which means that the alley is worth $153,000.


The City is prepared to give it away for $2.00 per square foot, or for a total of $8,512.50 including postage costs.

The bottom line is that the taxpayer of the City are the ones who are the losers in this deal because this is City property that we’re talking about, and these morons at City Hall are ready and willing to give it away for almost nothing!


It’s not that these real estate developers can’t afford to pay the $153,000 assessed value of the alley. After all, they’re spending real money for Neisen Kasdin to represent them, and he damn sure doesn’t come cheap. So why shouldn’t the taxpayers see some money come to the City for this property?


But wait, it gets better.


WHO LOOKS OUT FOR THE CITIZENS?


On May 31, 2012, the City of Miami’s Plat and Street Committee met to discuss this deal, and while they agreed that the requirements had been met to replatt the property, THEY VOTED 5-1 AGAINST THE CITY’S REQUEST TO VACATE AND CLOSE THIS ALLEY!


(This document. like all of the documents cited in this story can be reviewed in 2 PDF’s that can be viewed HERE.)

Not to be deterred, someone at the Planning and Zoning Board immediately rushed a Resolution before the politically appointed members of the Miami Planning, Zoning and Appeals Board, who all too willingly overturned the Plat and Street Committee’s vote, and cast a  9-0 vote supporting this deal.

This would be a nasty deal under any circumstance, but it’s especially nasty given the constant whining by the Mayor and the 5 Dwarfs on the City Commission about how broke the City is, and how they have to resort to slapping LED billboards on City buildings and other schemes in an effort to wring every dime they can for the City’s General Fund.


Nor, at the very least, does being the sponsor of this Resolution speak well of Commissioner Michelle Spence-Jones judgment.


Only weeks ago she was willing to stick giant billboards inside the City Parks in her District as part of the LED scheme, and now she’s got her named plastered on this give-away Resolution as the sponsor.


I would suggest that when the good Commissioner shows up at City Hall for the next Commission meeting and opens her Bible,  as she claims she does before the beginning of every meeting, that she go looking for a passage that addresses what Jesus would say about a situation such as this.


I can’t speak for Jesus, but I personally think this deal sucks, and that it represents just another in a long list of underhanded deals where City property and services are given away to friends and politically connected people in the community at the expense of the citizens of Miami who are screwed every time one of these deals gets done!!!!


What I’m also willing to bet on is that this isn’t the first alley in the City of Miami to be given away in this manner. I’m sure that if someone like the intrepid reporters at the Miami Herald were to start digging, they might find out that the city has given away a lot of alleys worth millions of dollars to politically connected beneficiaries.


It’s Miami, Bitches!

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It’s not even that Fifteen Midtown Partners necessarily has intentions of wanting to actually build on the property. They’re speculators who’d just as soon sell the property as do something with it.